Best Christmas Ever? I think soo

Kay I have a total of 2 minutes before my brother comes in here begging to use the computer so ill make this quick

This could possibly be the best christmas ever, except the one where jeusus was born as my new Boyfriend put on his status.

yup thats right i have a boyfriend. His name is Dave. he is a senior sooo a year older than me but thats ok.

thats the bog reason why this is the best it became official on christmas eve eve it made me very happy

Its also snowing outside. White christmas yes

I also got some really great gifts. Bows and socks gallore. Plus i now have like $55 to St. Louis Bread Co. WOOO and of course about 89 gallons of fuel on farmville. (hehe lame i know that i would actually like this) But the best of all is Dave :)

He sent me a text last night saying: Thanks for going out with me. its a better gift than even our HD TV
:D :D :D :D

Soo yeahh all those depressing posts they are done!!!

Love
a simply incredibly happy and wonderful,
COlleen

Soo Scared

Dear Lord,
please Help me.
I'm scared of every possible situation.

im scared of nothing happening at all
im scared of hurting her feelings for no reason at all.
im scared of the rejection.
im scared of losing the friendship
im scared of hurting her feelings, and not being her friend anymore
im scared of everything happening the way i want it too cause even that is unchartered waters.

im scared of all this even though i know i should not be
i know you know what you are doing and i know you are right here with me
and even if the worst possible outcome comes i know the world will not end.
but no one seems to have told my body that, cause it wont stop trembling.

im so powerless
you are not
hold my hand.
be near to me
help me get through.

love your daughter,
Colleen

Heart v. Brain Tug of War

MY heart and brain are in a never ending tug of war.
my heart being the hopefull optimistic part of me is not as strong as the logical yet pessimistic part of me, my brain.
However this is a tug of war, and neither ever seem to goo away.
I just have that constant pulling inside of me.
Now sometimes it is good for my brain to over power my heart, which it usually does.
such as in jelousy. My heart is what feels jealous. If my brain were not there pulling it back, it could possibly consume me entirely. While heart says screww this you are good enough, noo your better than good, you're better, you are the best, why on earth does this peroson get everything? my brain pulls me back into perspective and says ya know what this person got that because they deserved it. You were not good enough this time. so BE quiet.
and eventually my heart caves on such a case because its usually partially true.

This is not always good to have and overpowering logical pesimistic side though. See on the outside I am a completely happy person, but see its mostly for other peoople. To my brain it will always work out for everyone else, but for me... not nessesarily. Especially with GUys. Brain: It'll never work out. It never does for you. stop trying, whats the use. Heart: Keep going, maybe he likes you maybe something will happen common please dont give up.


and this time in this particular situation, My brain though its saying the same thing, it still REALLLLYY realllyy wants my heart to be right.

Be OK

Songs that I am relying on right now to keep me sane.

I just wanna be ok be ok be ok
i just wanna be ok today
i just wanna feel today feel today feel today
i just wanna feel something today
i just wanna know today know today know today
know that maybe i will be ok.
- Ingrid Michaelson

All the children walking home past the factories
Could see the light that’s shining in my window as I write this song to you.
All the cars running fast along the interstate
Can feel the love that radiates
Illuminating what I know is true,
All will be well.
Even after all the promises you’ve broken to yourself,
All will be well.
You can ask me how but only time will tell.
- Gabe Dixon Band

To ten million Fireflies
I'm weird cause I hate goodbyes
I got misty eyes as they said farwell
But I'll know where several are
if my dreams get reall bizzarre
Cause I've saved a few and i keep them in a jar
-Owl City

No time to tarry here
no time to wait for youuu
no time to tarry here
for i'm on my journey
Home
-UA Chorus

Take this sinking boat
and point it home
we've still got time
raise your hopeful voice
you have a choice
you make it nice.
-Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova

For greater things have yet to come
and greater things are still to be done in this city
and greater things have yet to come
and greater things are still to be done in this cityy
- Chris Tomlin

you gotta swim, swim in the dark
theres no shame in driftin, youll feel the tide shiftin
away from the spark
yeah you gotta swim
dont let yourself sink
just find the horizon
i promise you its not as far as you think
and the currents will drag us away from our love
just keep your head above
just keep your head above, swim.
Swim.
-Jack's Mannequin

Irony with Waiting

Colleen is an impatient anr worriesome person,
Ill admit it.
its a habit i've yet to break
sooo when i know
I KNooowww that i have to wait for something
its quite a bummer
If you know what im waiting for you might sayy
"Colleen, how do you know that you will have to wait?"
Too many ironic coincidences to ignore.
During adoration Thursday night i could have sworn i hear something telll me
Wait until after my birth enjoy this season of advent
and then last night the lil advent booklet i got at church
was all about waiting.
Ironic much?
soo i will wait
In the Meantime
ill continue doing what i have been doing
and praying for patience.

Peace Out GIrl Scout
Colleen

It's amazing how little of a life i have now

Well thats said it all. i have got about nothing to talk about now that the shows over.
I could tell you about the amount of homework i've been telling ymself to do all morning.
i could tell you about the all school mass wednesday, but you may be bored.
i could talk about thanksgiveing, we ate food, we talked, and my mom got mad cause people would do christmas stuff her way.
I got a new pair of gloves and hat on black friday :)
OOOO i KNow what to talk about
the movie night last night!!!!

we watched Up
in the youth room :)
some of the colllage kids came
it was fun!
cept chris kept poking me :-/
and then me him dave and fara got in an intense pillow fight tilll rich called truce

after we were kicked out i told all that they could come over to my house.
chris and tj said they'd only come if we had video games
soo the guys all play need for speed hot pursuit,
and that was fun to watch,
when people left i told laura she could spend the night
sooo she did
and yeah
thats about all that has been going on lately
but i love my life
its the christmas season we have two weeks of school and then examss
i think i can make it.

Im gunna quote a good song that fits here and then ill go shower and do some homework
oh and work on my new videooo :) more on that later maybe

"I want to change the world
Instead I sleep
I want to believe in more than you and me
But all that I know is I'm breathing
All I can do is keep breathing
All we can do is keep breathing now"
-Ingrid Michealson (Keep Breathing)

P.S. I started my college search and narrowed it down to 23 :)

What?!? home by 3:30? and dont have to leave tonight?

Ok soo Hell week is officially over
Officially.
I'm definetly not as sad as I was last year.
I'm kinda glad.
It was a bit of a pain.
but now i dont know what to do with myself
I think I'll call some friends
and avoid doing school work.
that is about all I have to say.
The End.

Welcome to Hell (Week)

Ok soo this week is the beginning of Tech/Production/Hell/Pow-wow Week.
And if you think that's a lot of slashes, you'd be right
This week is my favorite week of the year, and my least favorite.
I look forward to it all year, and then dread it when its here
Yes my friends its that time of year again. The week before the show.
Mommy is stressed to the core.
We are stressed to the core.
Pimples are ravaging through these young girls faces from all the excess make-up
Hair-spray is breathed almost as much as oxygen
Homework? BAHHH
Sleep? BAHHH
So you may be thinking why on earth would i want to even come for that?
I'll tell you why
Its the comerodery, we become family
Soo until i emgerge to regualr civilization next weekend
Good bye too all!
Colleen

Giving up

Blahhh Worst rehearsal ever.

not even exagerating.

Mommy called us all jerks

TO OUR FACES!

because we didnt bring in a publicity photo that is not even due UNTIL WEDNESDAY!!!!!

Because somepeople didnt come in hair and make-up

Ok most people did

I freaking put mine on sittingoutside before coming inside (15 minutes early by the way) and she FLIPPED OUT!

i was soo pissed

and she was soo mean

like seriously

i havnt been soo scared/ mad at her since freshman year.

and i think that i'm more mad at her now than i ever EVER was.

kdjfa;slfjaoiweaoiufslkdjfalskjf

Mommy can goo suck it

:P

>.<

Blahh

theend

From a very pissy Colleen who has a ton of homeowrk to do tonight,

a few brief points of my life

• The play is in a total of 3 weeks, sets are up (mostly), chairs are up, Mommy is going crazy, i love this part of preparing even though its stressful as heck
• I love my youth groupies but what else is new?
• I hate open houses for my high school they are awkward, and stressful as im expected to be in multiple places at once
• I am obsessed with the show Glee, and am saddened by the fact that it wont be on for a while
• at this moment my room is a mess and my homework is not done.
• halloween was great fun
• i had another bad headache today, they're starting to be a regular thing, quite annoying
• i understand chemistry (but am a bit sad that i switched lab partners for the first time since freshman year today)
• i dont understand history
• I am very tired right now
• the end

Cardboardness

Ok so i have realized that the whole one post a week thing has not been working out very well. I apologize.

Today though I am going to tell ya all about what i did last night. I slept in a cardboard box.
FUn right?
It actually really really was.
My school did this thing called Cardboard Village, where girls experienced homelessness by sleeping on fields in Cardboard boxes. we ate a typical meal served in soup kitchens, and weren't allowed to have our phones or ipods. It was not cold at all until morning. Then it was freezing. It helped me to open my eyes to homelessness. Oh the thing that shocked me the most was that all of the money raised by this event and the one last year and the year before that, all went too the same person. ANd only one woman. It puts me in my place i can't even imagine that it takes that much to help just one person....

So not only am i more aware about homelessness, but i also got to talk to some girls in my class that i never have before. Me and my budddy Mandy hung out with one of the girls in Broadcast all night. She's soo sweet. and then another girl helped me and many build our box. Another girl was just really nice all night and i found out that another girl has a twin Brother. It was quite a great bonding experience.

So yeah thats my saturday night for ya. I feel a bit closer with a couple girls, and i feel more obliged to help stop homelessness in its tracks. Maybe ill volunteeer at St. Patrick's Center....

Thanks for reading :-)

Colleen

hmm soo i have not posted anything since last wednesday... sorry bout that guys,
Well this week was the last week of the quarter, so naturally it was stressful, not too mention i had play practice everyday except tuesday.
but then it all turned around thursday at around 7:10 ish give or take. I was at youth group, and things were looking a little bit better i had finished everything i needed too soo i knew i was going to have fun that night, but then the greatest surprise ever! Some of our collage kids came back. I love the collage kids. They are amazing, but i think i also really love the effects of what happens to our youth group when their home:
Too me is seems like the room is just a little bit fuller, people seem to talk more, the already present smiles get a bit wider, (MUSIC!!!), the whole ideal of the night seems to make everyone soo completely and totally happy!!
Inside jokes are made, blow-up palm tree wars are fought, hugs are everywhere!
soo i got home and had nothing to doo so i got on facebook for the first time in a while and my lil sis recorded a video on my wall singing to me :-D
It was the cherry on the top of my extremely great day already!!
and then then then!!!
today was Friday, and i knew it would be a good day as soon as i went to first period and my english teacher noticed the stress level of the the majority of the people wasss high, soo she gave us a free period.
and thats how it was mostly for the rest of the day.
teachers just wanted a breather at the end of the quarter soo none of them assigned homework.
Play practice was interesting.... but then me and my sister ss went out to dinner and that was fun.
its prolly a good thing i dont have much homework cause tommoorrow i have to write the two speeches for sundays speech meet
he he hee
prolly could ve done that soonerrr but oh well
soo yeah wish me luck on that
byeee!!!!
Colleen!!

Just a quick little update
Life is good
My car is mean (sometimes) but i really hope it turns out ok cause i really really like my car
School is stressful but surprisingly i have not been effected to bad by it
like i know that i have this and this and this and that to do tonight and yet I'm not really worried
Surprisingly i am not worried about my history timeline even though i got a 14 out of 30 last time
i am not worried about my speech for speech class even though i know its going to be over time
Im not worried about that 35 minute presentation due in two weeks for social justice.
and i'm not worried about leading youth group tomorrow night
not really any of the above
even though i have something each night of this week where i have to leave and come back cept of course friday
Im not worried... its weird but calming!
i like it
Also i have learned that i really like the color yellow, its happy and it catches people's eyes
it makes me smile
And i have a renewed sense of love for the Beatles.
I feel like im copying all of my friend Claire's likes but its weird cause i dont think im coping her
i just have started really really liking the same things she does..
hmm interesting
well like i said i have a lot to do tonight and even though im not stressed about them i should still go finish them

Happy Living!
Colleen!

Homecoming and Fall Fest

Hey yall, soo this weekend was an ursuline girls weekend
homecoming friday
and fall fest yesterdayy
soo much fun
i have over onehundred pics from the entire weekend
It makes me feel all happy
and today was a day off!!!!!!
Horrah!!!!
soo much funness
but i think thats all i can sayy

well and this last thing
I love my friends!!!!!!!!!!!!!

stay cool as beans!
Colleen

ChemIstry

I have one word: Chemistry.

i hate it.
the end.


P.S. just because i hate it doesnt mean im not good at it, i have noticed that i understand a few more of the problems than the people around me at my table
but that doesnt mean that ill be able to pass that test tomorrow...

The Real End
God Bless Us Everyone
Colleen

Study Hall Boredom

Hey yall I'm in study hall and quite bored

It's a Thursday but it feels like a Friday since we don't have school tomorrow.

Its the last period of the day and I thought that I was going to have to go to a speech team meeting rund carpool home and then go to play practice and then work the lock-in but the speech meeting was cancelled and soo was play practice soo now imm gunna take home carpool go home and take a nap and then come back up for the lock-in Woot Woot

Soo I'm rather excited for tomorrow, Molls and I are throwin a Birthday Party fo (without an R) Margaret and Julia

(EXCITING)

its gunna be great its such a fun theme and I cannot wait.

Soo homecoming is next friday and i have no idea whats going on

havnt bought my ticket yet... not sure if im bringin a date...

but i do have a dress! Its the pink one i wore to mass on dress day over the summer

That was soo much fun

Hmm i Guess tahts about all i need to write about

the end! :-D

<3

Colls

Tired and Sick or Sick and Tired I Get Confused

Ok soo my last blog all turned out ok
what i was worried about turned out to be nothing
but it could have been soo if ya prayed for it I surely appreciate it

thats about a vague as it could be but thats all your getting sorry

next item on the agenda... sleep
i feel aweful sick
my throat hurts and i've been really really cold all day long
i want to sleep but its way to early for that...
perhaps ill watch a movie

yeah a movie sounds good
sorry for the shortened post but as I said
I'm really tired....

Worry, Fear, and Prayer

Hmm soo i know that i don't blog very much. i always wait till theres time to just sit an rant about everything. till theres time to read thoroughly the blogs that i follow. and since school is a time suck, well usually i can get on once a week.

so i apologize.

anyway but what i really want to say is this.

Worry and Fear are things that i try try tryyyy (and usually fail) to not do.

but when something big comes up, and im not good at avoiding those things in the first place...

well lets just say my stomach does little squeezings.

And i know that i shouldnt.

i know that i should just give eveything to God. let him handle it.

i Know that he knows what he's doing

but i get worried.

and scared

All day friday was like this.

and too respect her privacy im not actually going to say what's going on (at least right now when things are still up in the air)

but i would like to say one more thing.

Prayer is a powerful thing

and even though i know theres not much to do to stop my worry i know that God will handle this situation.

Soo even though im scared i will try my best to keep in mind that Greater Things Have Yet To Come. and will keep fear out of my heart.

Afterall Fear... is only

False

Evidence

About

Reality

Thanks for reading.

Colleen

Just a little bit cheesed right now...

Ok soo auditions were last week for the play rightt??

right

and most NORMAL driectors gve you a reasonable time fram for when the cast list will be posted, usually a week to a week and a half rigghhttt???

right

well my school mommy and director of the plays is obviously NOT normal.

School mommy is being a Jerk with a capital J.

soo i wasnt worried about this at all till she took me aside thursday morning and was asking about my conflicts, then she casually mentions that im in the running for some lead roles, and will need to see her during academic hour to "read" something for her. SHe also asked me how i thought i did. honestly i didnt think i did bad, I mean theres always room for improvement, especially when you're nervous as heck for audtitions, and then there was that one part of the acting that i totally flubbed. but other than that i didnt think i did horribly.



SHe tells me that the other "judges" thought i did really well, but she thought that i was holding back.. I definetly didnt hold backk



but anyway the morning passes and im a little nervous about the play in generall whens the list going to be posted, whats this reading thing about, but it didnt consume me until AFTER academic.



SOo i goo to see her and a couple other people are in there, two of my close buddys, and two seniors, one who i like, and one whoo can be nice but not always, oh and then later this really really sweet sophomore came up too. so she has us go up one at a time and sing her jingle bells



Yes Jingle Bells

multiple times

in weird voices.



no reading involved just singing and a little improve

soo then before we leave she says the cast list might be up tonight but maybe not cause of (insert lamest excuse for not being able to fullfill your commitments in here) and yeah soo but it WILL be up tomorrow.



Thursday afternoon and evening. Homework, hang with Laura, youth Group, Distractions but everytime i remember it... that pit in my stomach roles into a little ball and squeezes.



get home

theres a note on her website saying itll be up at three tomorrow

grrrrr



soo i went to bed angry

when i woke up and had gotten ready molly texted me saying shea left a new note saying itll be up by 8 tongith

GGGGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRR



knots and butterfles were in my stomach all freaking day long

Molly came up to me after school and said " ok soo i had laptops in my last class and i checked the web..."

me: Oh crap what did she doo????

Molly: She posted a list alright but she forgot the parts!!!!!!!

Me: KSJDAFLKSDJFLKSDJFLSDKFJL:SKDFJKLDFJD SHE FREAKING WOULD!!!!!!!!



later leah and margaret came up to me

Leah: guess what she did

Me: i already know Molly told me

Margaret THIS IS NOT FAIIRR

Leah: hey guys you made the play but hey who care what part you get?



and wanna know when were spossed to know our parts? tomrrow

no time posted this time

itll be posted tomorrow

hey School mommy thanks for the notice

first cast meeting is sunday

but it would be nice to know what part we got



Gotta say school mommy is really driving me nuts right now i swear she is trying to kill me.

Finnallyy Fridayy

Soo today is friday the end of the longest week yet
not a bad week
just long
and.. uneventfull
well except i got to be in advisement twice this week (NEW RECORD)
and there were tryouts (as always could have dont better, but could have done worse)
oh btws the show we are doing is a musical version of a CHristmas Carol
kinda weird i know
but it getss weirder cause all the guy parts were changed to girls
ednaneezer scrooge....
weird

i had a ton of homework
a lot of which was procrastinated till the night before
typical of me

youth group was amazing
fara led the talk and she did like reallly really really good
i was impressed

hmm today i saw laura
and i hadnt all week
soo i was really happy to do that :-D

hmm thats about it
i kind of love my friends
and im gunna leave with the sentance that describes exactly how i feel at this moment
Sometimes i wonder why people would deal with me, but then i stop asking why and just am thankfull that sooo many wonderful amzing people doo, cause id fall flat on my face with out them!!!

this is the end of my blog today :-)
Colleen

Stressors

So i have been told by Multiple amounts of people that junior year sucks
Homework piles up friendships change and grow and disintigrate things just all around suck

well this weekend not only do i have homework in everysubject EXCEPT the one i drop monday but i also i had one of those friendship growing times.
well i think its gunna grow

See two of my bestest most amzing friends in the world got in this huge fight about... not something stupid... it means a lot to both of them and to me for that matter
but they disagreed and started yelling and crying and i didnt know what to do
i simply cant take sides like i get where each girl comes from and like it was really really upsetting to see them not want to see each other..
there were also two other people there and it was ok for each of them to take a side cause of the situation and it wasnt like they were being mean about it or anything but it was ok that my friend's boyfriend went with his girlfriend and it was ok that my friend who had been hearing the entire story from my other friend to go with her..

soo its not like either were alone but i couldnt go wiht them soo i went to the front yard and cried on the phone to missy molly and i think that if it wasnt for her i may have started running and gone as far as i could... except i dont run... soo id start to run.. then walk as far away as my feeet would have gone.. and that prolly wouldnt have been the best idea considering we were all at my house... soo yeah the point of this paragraph is thank GOD for molly

well eventually i think it all got better... we went in the basement and played electronic life and my friends seemed to be over everything.

So thats the blog of the night Friendships growing
Hoorah!
P.S. i think i may have two readers of this now soo to Laura and Molly I love you both very very much
and if anyone else reads this that i dont know about thanks very much and i love you guys too!!

See ya later alligater,
Sleepy and dry-eyed Colleen

Ice Cream, yucky history, and Broadcast Girls being proactive

mmm ice cream...
i should probably do that history timeline but i just really dont feel like it at all.
its a stupid filler assignmentthat should not be included un this soo called "collage" class.
laaaaammmeeee.

but anywayss today i remembered exactly why i love high school.
my broadcast girls are the best
it was such a long and boring day and then i went up to the studio i like to referr to as my second home with two of my closest friends and we made the most epic clip for a conmertial for the 1 habbit of highly effective teens.
niiicee :-)
i was just the techie but these two girls were just freaking halarious and i cannot wait till it airs

i love my life. my friends, family, schoolies, its all pretty darn good
cept of course that darn history homework.
which is still calling my name in that other room. so thats all for now
Chow!
Colleen :-)

First Day

Why hello anyone who is bothering to read this.

Mostly I think that this is just mine and Molly's way of sharing our diary's with each other but if anyone else reads these that's cool too.

So today was the first day of Junior year. and At first i was all down and like POO summer is over... but as the day went on i was kind of getting into it. It's really nice to see all of my friends again especially the ones that i didn't get to see over the summer. I started off the day waking up to Ohmigod you guys from legally blonde the musical, and that put me in a fairly good mood. I left for school at 6:45 and picked up my buddy on the way. We both were in complete shock that school was starting already and talked about that mostly.
Then we arrived in my absolute favorite class in the world, Broadcast. I thought maybe the first day we wouldn't have any absences, and we wouldn't have a tardy teacher, and the new people would be respectful... but i was wrong on all accounts. two girls were absent and one girl tardy. the teacher was late but not as late as she normally is, and some new sophomore thought it would be ok to sass the teacher who was late even though shes new this year. Crazyy. Once class got started it was pretty good though. teacher made me laugh at all the ridiculousness of her self. and then she let us go early.

and then the real school day began. it was a Day 5 schedule meaning we had all 8 classes today. soo i had social justice (seems interesting) American Lit (took a surprisingly easy quiz, and then talked about potatoes... weird) then advisement (about 50 billion new freshmen and NONE are in broadcast seriously???). After that i had speech with the same teacher as broadcast (I laughed soo hard i cried) then Math ( gots a lot of my favorite sophomores in this class)
then lunch but i didn't know that the lunch cards weren't ready soo i had to borrow money..
After lunch was a torturous hour of History (already extremely boring) then chemistry (Advanced Placement study group anyone?) Study hall ( got my picture done) and finally Spanish 3 ( we played this awkward name game that didn't seem to have anything to doo with the language of espanol)

So far that's my impressions on my first classes.
oh and one more thing i already have my own personal freshman to take under my wing we will call her Sally on this blog to protect her privacy. Sally is my favorite already she is soo incredibly sweet and she calls me her big sister. I plan on making this school year great for her :)

ok soo that's about all. But i must finish up here as i have got a little bit of work i should get done.
I'll attempt to blog about school and stuff from this year about once a week but i there will be no promises!

stay cool as beans!
Love
Colleen