Best Christmas Ever? I think soo

Kay I have a total of 2 minutes before my brother comes in here begging to use the computer so ill make this quick

This could possibly be the best christmas ever, except the one where jeusus was born as my new Boyfriend put on his status.

yup thats right i have a boyfriend. His name is Dave. he is a senior sooo a year older than me but thats ok.

thats the bog reason why this is the best it became official on christmas eve eve it made me very happy

Its also snowing outside. White christmas yes

I also got some really great gifts. Bows and socks gallore. Plus i now have like $55 to St. Louis Bread Co. WOOO and of course about 89 gallons of fuel on farmville. (hehe lame i know that i would actually like this) But the best of all is Dave :)

He sent me a text last night saying: Thanks for going out with me. its a better gift than even our HD TV
:D :D :D :D

Soo yeahh all those depressing posts they are done!!!

Love
a simply incredibly happy and wonderful,
COlleen

Soo Scared

Dear Lord,
please Help me.
I'm scared of every possible situation.

im scared of nothing happening at all
im scared of hurting her feelings for no reason at all.
im scared of the rejection.
im scared of losing the friendship
im scared of hurting her feelings, and not being her friend anymore
im scared of everything happening the way i want it too cause even that is unchartered waters.

im scared of all this even though i know i should not be
i know you know what you are doing and i know you are right here with me
and even if the worst possible outcome comes i know the world will not end.
but no one seems to have told my body that, cause it wont stop trembling.

im so powerless
you are not
hold my hand.
be near to me
help me get through.

love your daughter,
Colleen

Heart v. Brain Tug of War

MY heart and brain are in a never ending tug of war.
my heart being the hopefull optimistic part of me is not as strong as the logical yet pessimistic part of me, my brain.
However this is a tug of war, and neither ever seem to goo away.
I just have that constant pulling inside of me.
Now sometimes it is good for my brain to over power my heart, which it usually does.
such as in jelousy. My heart is what feels jealous. If my brain were not there pulling it back, it could possibly consume me entirely. While heart says screww this you are good enough, noo your better than good, you're better, you are the best, why on earth does this peroson get everything? my brain pulls me back into perspective and says ya know what this person got that because they deserved it. You were not good enough this time. so BE quiet.
and eventually my heart caves on such a case because its usually partially true.

This is not always good to have and overpowering logical pesimistic side though. See on the outside I am a completely happy person, but see its mostly for other peoople. To my brain it will always work out for everyone else, but for me... not nessesarily. Especially with GUys. Brain: It'll never work out. It never does for you. stop trying, whats the use. Heart: Keep going, maybe he likes you maybe something will happen common please dont give up.


and this time in this particular situation, My brain though its saying the same thing, it still REALLLLYY realllyy wants my heart to be right.

Be OK

Songs that I am relying on right now to keep me sane.

I just wanna be ok be ok be ok
i just wanna be ok today
i just wanna feel today feel today feel today
i just wanna feel something today
i just wanna know today know today know today
know that maybe i will be ok.
- Ingrid Michaelson

All the children walking home past the factories
Could see the light that’s shining in my window as I write this song to you.
All the cars running fast along the interstate
Can feel the love that radiates
Illuminating what I know is true,
All will be well.
Even after all the promises you’ve broken to yourself,
All will be well.
You can ask me how but only time will tell.
- Gabe Dixon Band

To ten million Fireflies
I'm weird cause I hate goodbyes
I got misty eyes as they said farwell
But I'll know where several are
if my dreams get reall bizzarre
Cause I've saved a few and i keep them in a jar
-Owl City

No time to tarry here
no time to wait for youuu
no time to tarry here
for i'm on my journey
Home
-UA Chorus

Take this sinking boat
and point it home
we've still got time
raise your hopeful voice
you have a choice
you make it nice.
-Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova

For greater things have yet to come
and greater things are still to be done in this city
and greater things have yet to come
and greater things are still to be done in this cityy
- Chris Tomlin

you gotta swim, swim in the dark
theres no shame in driftin, youll feel the tide shiftin
away from the spark
yeah you gotta swim
dont let yourself sink
just find the horizon
i promise you its not as far as you think
and the currents will drag us away from our love
just keep your head above
just keep your head above, swim.
Swim.
-Jack's Mannequin

Irony with Waiting

Colleen is an impatient anr worriesome person,
Ill admit it.
its a habit i've yet to break
sooo when i know
I KNooowww that i have to wait for something
its quite a bummer
If you know what im waiting for you might sayy
"Colleen, how do you know that you will have to wait?"
Too many ironic coincidences to ignore.
During adoration Thursday night i could have sworn i hear something telll me
Wait until after my birth enjoy this season of advent
and then last night the lil advent booklet i got at church
was all about waiting.
Ironic much?
soo i will wait
In the Meantime
ill continue doing what i have been doing
and praying for patience.

Peace Out GIrl Scout
Colleen